My Diva

I hope this doesn't sound homophobic, but some gay writers feel so strongly dismissed by the rest of society that they can't write anything that doesn't underscore their status as an outsider, which they feel is double the outsider status of straight writers, who are also loners but less often discriminated against. And it's sometimes true, I guess, that when a gay writer comes out, he first has to overcome society's lingering homophobia (which does seem inextinguishable, doesn't it, even after so many celebrities have come out) and then, when he's finally feeling entitled to his gayness, he's rejected a second time by the gay community itself, which is full of shallow monsters who lack the emotional complexity of an artist, and who hurt his feelings on purpose.

Maybe I can't properly empathize with these gay men because I found acceptance so quickly and so easily. By luck, I guess, with my friends and family, and with gay men because I'm good looking.

This week I've been reading My Diva: 65 Gay Men on the Women Who Inspire Them, an anthology edited by Michael Montlack. Most of these writers seem to define "diva" as a woman who gay men admire because she inspires feelings of strength and courage. Usually it's Judy Garland or Madonna, but this anthology includes a lot of unusual divas like Annie Lennox and Wonder Woman, which is cool.

But how many times can an anthology get away with publishing the same line that starts with something like: "As gay men, we have all faced discrimination, exile and soul-crushing loneliness..." It's not interesting, as self-pity tends not to be to anyone but the person experiencing it, but what really miffs me is how it claims to apply to all gay men. Some gay men didn't require the assistance of a strong female role model in coming out. That's okay too, isn't it? I can't help comparing the book to the kind of older gay man who pulls you aside at a nightclub and tells you how fortunate you are to have been born more recently than he was.

A good metaphor jumps out at you from the dark alleyway of life

I really dislike being quizzed on my knowledge of Canadian literature. It usually happens at parties when I call myself a writer and the other person asks whether I've read a certain book by a certain author and I have to admit I haven't, despite that author being a well-known Canadian, and then they frown like I'm being uncooperative on purpose.

So I'm trying to brush up on Canadian lit to save myself the embarrassment.

I'm nearly finished a non-fiction book by Jan Zwicky, a Canadian poet and philosopher, called Wisdom & Metaphor. One cool feature is its page numbering. On each left-hand page there's Jan Zwicky's writing, and it shares a page number with an excerpt on the right-hand page by some other writer. So structurally the book itself is metaphor-like because each page matches up writings from two different authors that are meant to bring each other new meaning.

Jan Zwicky is really, really smart. Some pages I only slightly understand, just enough to realize I could get it if someone explained it to me. Jan Zwicky is in cahoots with Don McKay, Robert Bringhurst and a few other Canadian writers and academics who have similar ideas about language and the way it means what it means.

"Gestalt shift" comes up a lot on the left-hand pages. It's meant to describe a metaphor's immediate effect on a person. At UBC my English profs loved to ask us students to define metaphor, and that seems to be something even Jan Zwicky struggles with. So don't feel bad if you don't know what it means either. Because by definition a metaphor should contain two non-identical parts, but once a metaphor stops surprising us, we understand it automatically as one concept without having to put in the effort of making a comparison. I think computer memory might be a good example of a term that was once metaphorical. Because although a person's brain stores information differently from a computer, some clever person coined the metaphor "computer memory" and it stuck because it gestalt shifted people into better understanding their hard drive. But now we just accept that computers have memory--it's not a metaphor because we're no longer surprised and delighted to hear it said. Anyway, that's paraphrasing what I learned from Jan Zwicky so I hope I got it right. I think she would approve.

I also tried to read a book of Jan Zwicky's poems, Thirty-seven Small Songs & Thirteen Silences, but I didn't understand any of them! The language was simple and the poems were short but they still made me feel stupid. So for my self-esteem's sake I'm glad I'm having better luck with her non-fiction.

Another book blog to check out

Did you know that "What is Cam Reading?" is a play on the name of Yann Martel's blog? It's true! Did you also know that titles can't be copyrighted, so even if I wanted to call my blog Life of Pi nobody could do a damn thing about it.

It was my brother, a librarian, who introduced me to Yann Martel's blog, What is Stephen Harper Reading? Yann Martel introduces the blog by vowing to mail the Prime Minister a book every two weeks "that has been known to expand stillness" along with a letter introducing it. He often asks Stephen Harper for feedback on the books but sadly he receives few replies.

It's a really funny blog. You ought to check it out: www.whatisstephenharperreading.ca

The time joblessness leaves for reading

Not having a steady job, my days are full of spare time. Last Saturday I watched a computer generated walrus fork a polar bear with its tusks on YouTube and I realized two things, not at once but consecutively: first, I had finished watching every episode of Animal Face-Off, which was crushing enough. But second and more importantly, I had wasted time I could have spent reading.

So, I'm starting a blog about books I'm reading because it will be fun and also motivational. If I go weeks without updating it please send me an email to ask why I've stopped reading. I'm probably halfway through a TV series online and in need of encouragement.

Your friend in literacy, Cam

PS: No offense to Animal Face-Off. That show is both awesome and educational and it's even accessible to kids much younger than myself. If you'd like to watch an episode I particularly recommend Anaconda vs. Jaguar.